• You are Not a Toy: How to Stop Getting Played in the Dating Game

    Hey babe – are you a toy? No, you are not.
    Do you exist to be played with? No, you do not.
    Do you deserve to be manipulated? No!

    But… in the dating game… you may be!

    In this video, I talk about how people manipulate each other in today’s dating world.

    I’m revealing the game! How it is played. And – most importantly – how to get out. ↓

    Why is dating called “the game?” Understand the game so you don’t get played.

    You are Not a Toy

    Why is dating called “the game?” Why do we say “don’t hate the player, hate the game?”

    The answer is that dating is not always a game of love. Some people play a very different game. And it is harmful to the person who is getting played. In this video, I call that person “the toy.”

    In the game, the player gets the toy to give of themselves – or their heart – as much as possible. This is often measured sexually, but it can also be emotionally, energetically, or monetarily.

    Once the toy has given a lot of themselves to the player, the player leaves. They end the relationship, disappear, or simply withdraw their time, attention, and affection.

    In this case, the player has won. They have won affection, sex, money, declared feelings, or the toy’s heart. Meanwhile, they have not gone so far. They have not given their heart in return.

    In removing themselves quickly from their target once the game is up, the player proves that they “got” the other person. What do I mean by got? I mean got to take the relationship – and their feelings – past the neutral zone. While this happens, the player themselves stay cool, neutral, free, and unattached.

    By revealing the game and how it is played, my hope is to give you the tools to break down this very damaging system.

    Bye toxic masculinity! Let’s get free.

    #notatoy

    Did you know – You are not a toy?

    What do you think? Does your experience resonate with my description of “the game?” How have you gotten free?

    –> Hop over to the comment section on this YouTube video! + Say what you think! 😉

    Thanks for watching!

    Sincerely,
    Erienne
    Dr. Erienne Weine

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  • It’s Okay to Let Things Slide

    What REALLY happens if you let things slide? When you check out of your life?

    Not that much, I found.

    Actually, taking a vacation from being a try-hard was a nice restoring break. (Although I did have to rediscover my fat pants).

    Here’s my late night “Confession.” What happened. Why I stopped caring. Why I let things slide. And what I learned.

    WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE (I told you it was a confessional.)

    Thanks for watching!

    In Summary:

    Taking a break, letting things slide, or checking out of your life TRULY isn’t a big deal.

    Life goes on.

    Everyone is busy with their own things.

    We all need times of relaxation where we can recharge.

    However, sometimes we don’t let ourselves recharge for a very long time. In this case, a planned break in the future may not do it for you. Instead, you may need to take a break NOW.

    That is what I mean by “checking out of your life.” I mean NOT CARING NOW. Doing things at 50% rather than 100%. Saying no to freaking everything. Resting

    Let things slide when you have nothing in the tank. And I promise, you’ll benefit from it.

    💚

    What happens when YOU let things slide?

    What happens when you let things slide? Have you ever tried this?

    Hop on over to this video post on the Fresh Philosopher YouTube Channel to leave me a comment. Let me know! I need to know. 🙂

    Happy sliding!

    Sincerely,
    Erienne
    Dr. Erienne Weine
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  • Vanquish Your Energy Vampires

    A woman lies clutching her neck after an encounter with an energy vampire

    VIDEO: What are energy vampires and are they even real?

    Energy vampires are people who SUCK!

    They suck out your energy, keeping you in a negative state. They are not actual blood-sucking vampires; just people in your life who drain you (and give nothing back).

    In this video, I talk about the 4 types of energy vampires I’ve encountered. I share how I deal with each one! I also dance around for your entertainment. Please enjoy!

    Thanks for watching!

    For more Fresh Philosopher videos, check out my YouTube Channel! Thank you for subscribing!

    Much love,

    Erienne

    Fresh Philosopher

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  • Build a Mental Health Kit

    So it’s cold. It’s gray. It’s dark. And I feel lame. Do you ever feel yucky when the weather is bad? What about fully depressed? I sure do. That’s when I open my mental health kit!

    Where’s the Sun?

    Some days, there’s less sunlight than I’d like. I love the sun’s ability to make me feel bright, engaged, open, activated, and tuned-in. So when my bright friend is hidden behind clouds for the *$@%ing fifth day in a row, I start to feel a little puny.

    My cure? Immerse my mind in something.

    My Cure is Immersion

    I have a theory that my brain loves the sun because of the type of state it gets me into. An immersive one. One where it is easy to pay attention to and enjoy something for a while. When I’m immersed, I can’t think of anything else.

    So, when I don’t have the sun to help me, I engage in activities that allow my brain to fall into the same deep, engaged state.

    The trick is to find immersive activities. Then actually do one!

    Go back into your memories, and pick out some things that feel great to do! Things that when you do them, you can’t think of anything else. Immersive activities that will truly activate your brain. Here is my winter blues mental health kit!

    Seasonal blues mental health kit Large PInterest Image

    Mental Health Kit

    To help stimulate your noggin, I’ve got a checklist of activities for ya! A mental health kit, if you will. These are things that can activate your brain and uplift your mood. And they’re simple. They are things you might do weekly anyway; things that you probably already have the materials for.

    1. MIND-OCCUPYING TASKS

    Here are some activities guaranteed to take you in:

    • Get out your art supplies and doodle, draw, or paint
    • Organize something (junk drawer, vanity, pantry, etc. – very satisfying)
    • Pre-chop some vegetables (soothing and helpful to your future self)
    • Color in your adult coloring book (I know you have one)
    • Work a puzzle
    • Look at pet memes
    • Knit (okay I don’t know how to knit, but I heard its lit)

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    2. TRANSPORT YOURSELF

    Take your mind to a new place. See different things. Feel different things. Do it actively, not passively.

    • Go for a nature walk (Otherwise known as a nature bath -nature is magical in any season.)
    • Treat yourself to a nice meal at a cute little restaurant (You know, the one that makes you feel like you’re back on that amazing trip)
    • Hit the thrift shop (Go pop some tags baby! Buy a weird kimono for $5 that makes you feel like a goddess. Then send me a pic.)
    • Walk around the block (This is so easy and instantly effective at resetting my mind)
    • Go for a stroll around the mall (Lots of activity, people, and free samples)
    • See a movie in the theater (Pick something weird)
    • Play a video game (Suddenly you can fly and shoot lightning bolts!)
    • Try the free meditation introductory class (You know, the one you always see signs for? It will be AMAZING.)
    • Visualize a beautiful, calm place
    • Plan a dream vacation (Not a realistic vacation)
    • Read a book in Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Romance, or History (Personally, I would never read history. But some people say it’s dope.)
    • Read a story to kids

    3. PLAY WITH YOUR NEUROTRANSMITTERS

    Try drinking a different type of caffeine than your usual. Caffeine works at the neurotransmitter level; new caffeine causes new activity. Drinking it will give you a brain boost (and maybe some antioxidants). I like to have one of these when the sun goes down (and I get sad about it). Just one cup 🙂

    • Green tea (get those antioxidants baby!)
    • Matcha latte (way more antioxidants)
    • Earl Grey tea (You fancy)
    • A piece of dark chocolate and fruit (super yum with raspberries)
    • Espresso (whip your pinkie out!)
    • Chai latte (black tea)
    • Mocha
    • Tip: Do something FUN after you drink this. Not something you hate.

    4. JUMP AROUND

    Time to shock your system awake. Shake it up. Shake it off. Whatever, just move your body (vigorously, baby).

    • Sing an Alicia Keys song loudly
    • Dance party in the kitchen
    • Go for a quick jog (wearing your brightest workout clothes)
    • Watch dance vids on YouTube (I’m obsessed with JoJo Gomez’s choreography)
    • Do yoga for 20 mins (I just do 10 sun salutations then lay in corpse pose)
    • Workout to one little video
    • Try a new dance class (I HIGHLY recommend African dance)
    • Watch a sporting match or reality show that makes you get up and yell at the screen

    5. EAT SOMETHING THAT FEELS GOOD

    If you feel lousy, maybe your sugar levels are too low, or you’ve been eating junk? Fresh, delicious, genuinely nourishing food helps me feel like a functional human again. These always make me feel better:

    • Berry smoothie (antiox alert!)
    • Hummus (mmm… lemon & garlic is my fave)
    • Granola bars (these homemade ones might change your life)
    • Chili (I feel emotional just thinking about chili)
    • A juicy piece of fruit
    • Beans (how are these so satisfying?)
    • A few carrots (v classy)
    • A nice tall glass of water

     6. BODY KINDNESS

    Aww. When I feel low, some TLC feels wonderful. You probably need to do one of these right now:

    • Take a long, hot shower
    • Rub your feet on a tennis ball
    • Rub your hands
    • Head massage!
    • Clip your nails (if that’s not self-care, I don’t know what is)
    • Moisturize your skin (Check out my blog post Winter Mental Health Trick: Keep Dry Skin Happy for 10 amazing and weird tips)
    • Massage (DIY, or ask someone who loves you to rub your back)

    So there you go! Lots of ideas. Pick one. Try it out. Then write up a list of more.

    Make your own Mental Health Kit

    What would you add to the list above?

    To make your own mental health kit, simply make a checklist for yourself, and put it somewhere you can easily find it!

    Some people even fill a box with mental health kit items to help themselves on down days, such as tea bags, art supplies, cute toys, pictures, lotion, aromatherapy, etc.

    If you’re feeling down, and the weather is not helping, I feel for you. I suggest stimulating your mind. It works well for me 🙂

    Much love,

    Erienne

    Fresh Philosopher


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  • Crying Recovery Hacks

    I just cried.

    Like, a lot…

    And I might cry again!

    Any second now… here it comes… watch out!

    What is going on??? That’s right! You guessed it! I’m having a crying jag. And all I want to do is stop crying.

    What do I mean by a “Crying Jag?”

    Oh, a crying jag is a lovely emotional state. Also known as bawling, weeping, sobbing, blubbering, wailing, grieving, crying, or mourning.

    Familiar with the sensation?

    I like to describe it as crying my eyes out. Because I seriously think they might pop out out of my head. It is that serious.

    You know the drill. Once you get started, you practically can’t stop. The tears keep flowing. I personally make pitiful sounds that never end – boo hoo hoo hoo hoo. My face begins to resemble a ripe tomato. Nerves get all twitchy. Breathing is rapid and gasp-y. And everything and anything seems to make me cry more!

    My ability to function? That’s gone. The feels have taken over!

    Here’s how I make it stop.

    Luckily, I know a few tricks. Just like How I Cure Migraine Pain Naturally, I have a painkiller-free plan that works: A way to get myself out of this particularly deep state of languishing. Yup, I have figured out how to stop crying (thank goodness!).

    Here is how I return to a more normal, comfortable state of breathing, thinking, seeing, talking, and overall facial complexion.

    (Because at this point, I’m crying about the fact that I’m crying. FML.):

    Stop Crying Step #1: Drink Peppermint Tea

    Omg have you tried this??

    Peppermint tea will un-swell your face lightning quick.

    Peppermint tea is able to do this because it is anti-inflammatory. Drinking something anti-inflammatory will physically counteract your inflammation reflex. This is the reflex that makes you puffy, swollen, red, constricted, and achy. It makes me feel like my blood is pounding in my head, face, eyes, pillow, etc.

    As soon as you realize you’re in stuck in a crying loop, do the following:

    1. Fill a tea kettle with water and set it to boil.
    2. Pick your favorite mug or teapot.
    3. Open up a bag of peppermint tea. Smell it, if your nostrils will allow. It is lovely: somehow soothing and sharp at the same time! Ahh.
    4. Place the tea bag in mug or teapot. Top with boiling water.
    5. Sit down with your face over the cup so the steam flows onto your distraught visage.
    6. Wait 5 mins. Take some slow deep breaths of the steam.
    7. Remove the bag. Your tea is now ready to enjoy!
    8. Take a sip. Adjust the temp. If the tea is too hot to drink, add a splash of cold water or an ice cube.
    9. Drink it slow and feel your swelling go down, breathing stabilize, nostrils open, and redness dissipate!
    10. Sit in awe of this wonderful drink.

    Seriously effing amazing.

    TIPS:

    1. Here’s my current favorite Peppermint Tea.
    2. Peppermint tea is lovely with any type of milk.
    3. Any anti-inflammatory tea will do. I’m also a big fan of turmeric tea with honey, lemon, and black pepper.

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     Stop Crying Step #2: Lightly Stretch your Body

    You probably don’t want to move. But you wouldn’t you like to stop crying and feel human again? This helps a lot and works AMAZINGLY well.

    1. Stand up
    2. Stretch your neck
    3. Roll your shoulders
    4. Arch your back all around
    5. Grab one foot at a time for a nice thigh stretch.
    6. Lunge to get your calves.
    7. Roll each foot in a circle – clockwise and counter-clockwise.
    8. Stretch or massage anything else that feels good!

    Voila! Now you’re standing, and even have control of your body. Aw, look at you! 🙂

    Stop Crying Step #3: Move your (newly stretched) Body

    For me, nothing resets me from crying my effing eyes out like getting my blood pumping.

    Working out stops the crying wheel because you’re giving your body new bio-feedback.

    You’re actually creating new signals to your body that say: “Hey! Time to regulate a different system!”

    For real, I’ll do this even if I’m still crying like boo hoo hoo hoo. And by the time I’m done, I feel so much better.

    Some options:

    1. Pick a short workout video on youtube. Jump around to a flamboyant dance routine, get your pilates on, or see how many situps you can do.
    2. Go walk around the block. The fresh air, new sights, and rhythm of your body will all transport you to another set of feels.
    3. Do some cardio, like run or ride your bike. Hey, if you expend your energy exercising, maybe you won’t have any left over for crying. (?)

    Best part? Now you can feel good that you exercised. Yes, this counts as exercise. And under tough conditions, too!

    You’re a major boss.

    Stop Crying Step #4: Do your Favorite Thing

    Okay, now that you’ve taken a bit of advice from me, it is time to follow your own too.

    What do you usually do to help yourself feel better? What is it?

    Do a bit of that. Go to sleep. Read a book. Eat some ice cream. Or binge watch that one show. Maybe you get some weird joy from organizing your spice cabinet, or throwing empty cans at a wall?

    Whatever it is, just do it. You’ll feel better.

    Obviously, I’m not judging. ?

    (Please try not to end up in jail tho. Or run up a huge bill. Or hurt yourself. You know what I mean. Oh, you won’t do those things? Okay, thanks yay!)

    It won’t last forever

    It won’t last forever. And then we’ll laugh about it together. I’m so proud of you. Good luck and breathe. You got this.?

     

    Much love,

    Erienne

    Fresh Philosopher

     

     

     

     

    Share this post with your fellow cryers. 🙂

    Messed up gift idea: Gift a friend Peppermint Tea. If you happen to show up at their door weeping, they’ll have a cure. ;P


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  • How I Quit Criticizing Everything

    Criticizing others. Ah… Now here’s something I’m good at!

    Haha, jk.

    Seriously tho, being critical is DEFINITELY something I have the capacity to do. That is, even though I don’t want to judge, sometimes I teleport into a criticism mindset. All of a sudden, I notice myself “hating on” everything in sight.

    “That gutter smells! Why is it clogged? The city shouldn’t let that happen!”

    “Her shoes DO NOT match that outfit.”

    “My neighbor’s bushes are OVERGROWN. I can barely walk on the sidewalk!”

    Wah wah wah. Etc. Omg, girl. Chill.

    WHY AM I CRITICIZING?

    What is going on here?

    Deep down, I DO NOT want to criticize other people. I DO NOT want to look at my fellow humans and immediately generate a list of things I don’t like. And I especially don’t want to look at the entire world that way.

    I want to be understanding. At peace. Positive. Full of joy. Ready to share a compliment.

    So, what makes me fall into this particular negativity trap? To answer that question, I’d like to explore the hidden origins of judgment overload.

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    Criticizing not creating? Getting stuck in a critical mindset is a gentle nudge to start creating a better world by fresh philosopher

    WHAT IS CRITICIZING, REALLY?

    Criticizing is really:

    1. Noticing something wrong, off, or out of place.
    2. Bringing the mismatch to light so that it can be fixed.

    Judging something as a poor fit is actually a good human capacity to have. It gives us the ability to notice issues before they become a problem. By spotting and correcting potential probs, it helps us find harmony and balance in situations where there are a lot of pieces to the puzzle.

    I mean really. Do I want to leave the house with mismatching shoes? No. My neighbors and I all appreciate clear sidewalks so we don’t get run over by cars. And clogged gutters? Gross! That’s a sign that SOMETHING is not right. And it ain’t gonna unclog itself.

    When I notice things I don’t like, I’m really noticing things I wish were different.

    So criticizing is actually not a sign that “everything sucks!” Rather it is a sign that “things could be better. And I can imagine exactly how!”

    Noticing problems, with the intention to correct them, is a good thing.

    Criticizing, with the intention to criticize some more, is a recipe for negativity and mental fatigue.

    Do you really dislike the way that the world is around you? Okay. That’s alright. But if you don’t take action to do anything about it, you’re just running on negative for no reason.

    Let’s face it. I’m not really going to deliver a perfect pair of matching shoes to that stranger. I won’t be trimming my neighbor’s hedges this weekend. And I’m DEFINITELY NOT reaching my hand down in that gutter. Just nope.

    So why does this happen in my brain?


    FRESH PHILOSOPHER FREEBIE:

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    I CRITICIZE WHEN I DON’T LET MYSELF CREATE

    If I criticize EVERYTHING, my inner voice is yelling! But my inner voice is NOT REALLY trying to tell me these shoes suck. It is saying I suck.

    When I am in a super judgmental mode, and nothing seems good, my inner voice is actually NOT pointing out issues with the outer world. It is pointing out problems with my inner world.

    My inner voice is saying: “I have a million ideas.” It is saying, “Hello Erienne. Good morning. Wake up! What are you doing today? Are you making our dreams come alive? Or are you going to avoid me again? I’m your dearest hopes and dreams! I’m counting on you!”

    My inner voice is actually being critical of ME. It wants me to listen to my heart and follow it.

    Wait what? Me? Oh yes. My inner voice is saying, “I don’t like that social media binge so much. Are you spending our precious leisure time carousing? I thought you were going to meditate! Weren’t you going to set up that meeting? Or write that blog post. Time to shine your light on the world!”

    Oh. Really? I guess I can see why that is kind of hard for me to hear…. It is a bunch negative stuff about how I’m ignoring my calling. I don’t want to hear that. So I shut that inner voice down. And I do something else with my creative power instead. I let it fester. And it gets all grouchy and negative.

    Picture of Iris flower still in the bud but about to burstTHE INNER TRUTH

    The truth is, being critical is a reminder of my inner power. I have the power to change the existing structures around me.

    I have the power to create.

    So, critical but not creating?

    The cure for judgmental mode, for me, is to let my creative ideas flow. To allow the ideas the bubble to the surface and come all the way up. In other words, to listen to my inner voice.

    When I give my ideas permission to exist, I give myself permission to exist too.

    Suddenly the world seems like a brighter place.

    Sincerely,
    Erienne
    Dr. Erienne Weine


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    Criticizing not creating? Getting stuck in a critical mindset is a gentle nudge to start creating a better world by fresh philosopher


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